We are still in Koh Samui but in a different location. I chose to move to a less crowded beach and it was a good choise. We now live in simple beach huts again which is much to our preference. When we get here A immediately starts unpacking while she muses on how we’ve come to our new home. She empties our backpacks and finds room for our clothes on the shelves. We sit down on our porch and enjoy the beautiful scenery hot and exhausted from our long walk to our bungalow from the main road. We muse over the birds and tiny lizards we see and contemplate going for a swim. I love when A is excited about something. She gets a special look in her eyes and her whole body beams with excitement and happiness. I just love this moment and I know that moments like these are worth it all.
Our best moments are always when nothing is planned out. When we just go with the flow. When we enjoy the moments for what they are. A seems to be doing this regardless. But I have to let go of my inner planner and my fears. It is somehow always easier to let go when you’re on the road since none of the daily humdrum from back home gets in the way but it still takes a lot of effort for me. And when you are travelling other fears and questions show up like where will we go next?, is it going to be safe?, what kind of people will we meet? Most of the fear is not actual fear but plain anticipation which in my case sometimes will turn into worries or fears. It is something I have always had to work with. It is about letting go in my case. Trusting that I will be able to handle the situations we get into and taking responsibility for the situations we do get into. It is one thing about travelling alone with my child that I think is so much more challenging than anything else. I have noone to consult with. Nobody who listens to my worries, even if they are sometimes irrational. It is definitely the hardest thing about travelling without another adult partner.
When I do let go, however, things always turn out fine and we are having a wonderful time.
